Jokes Part 6

Jokes Part 6

Angry employer: “Why are you late again this morning?”
Young typist: “I overslept.”
Employer: “you mean you asleep at home as well!”

At the company board meeting the chairman rose to make his speech.
“Who has been carrying on with my secretary?” he demanded.
This was met with silence.
“All right, then,” said the chairman, “put it this way: who has not been carrying on with my secretary?”
Again there was silence, and then one man said, self consciously, “Me sir.”
“Right,” said the chairman. “You sack her.”

The aeroplane was so old it even had an outside lavatory.

Waiter: “And how did you find your meat today, sir?”
Diner: “Oh, I just lifted up a chip and there it was.”

A man decided to test a London restaurant’s claim that it would serve anything a customer asked for.
“Elephant’s ears on toast,” he demanded, and waited smugly. Eventually the head waiter came to his table and said,” I do apologise, sir. We seem to’ve run out of bread.”

“Waiter, this plate’s damp.”
“Yes, I know sir, that’s the soup.”

When I lived in lodgings my landlady kept some animals in the yard at the back of the house. The first day I was there, one of the chickens died, so we had chicken soup.
The next day, the pig died, so I was offered pork chops.
The following day, the duck died, so we had roast duck.
The next day my landlady’s husband died – so I left.

The philosophical goldfish swam around in his bowl, then stopped for a few seconds and turned to his companion and asked, “Do you believe in the existence of God?”
“Yes,” replied the second goldfish. “Who else do you suppose changes our water?”

The eminent surgeon was walking through his local churchyard and saw the grave-digger having a rest and drinking from a bottle of beer.
“Hey, you!” called the surgeon. “How dare you laze about and drink alcohol in the churchyard! Get on with your job or I shall complain to the vicar.”
“I’d have thought you’d be the person to complain,” said the grave-digger, “bearing in mind all your blunders I’ve had to cover up.”

Nurse: “Well, Mr Mitchell, you seem to b coughing much more easily this morning.”
Mr Mitchell, groaning in his bed: “That’s because I’ve been practising all night.”