 CHIT CHAT 2 (18+) [Feminine Hygiene] |
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 17:15
This is an actual letter from a Texan woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products...
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of
their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you fu ***** kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bulls*** . And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons <tt> </tt>
Tamsen Garrie - View my Biscard
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 17:39
hahahahaha a classic! loved this the first time I saw it and it still makes me laugh.
Along the same lines, our ladies room at work has one of those feminine hygeine dispensers inside of it with a sign on it that says in pretty girly script "For all your feminine needs away from home"
Do they know something we don't? How the f*%# are my needs different at work? I've never used it, and everytime I see it I imagine something different inside that rectangular wall canister. If I put my money in there, will an uzi come out? So I can sort out that annoying sack of ho who drowns herself in perfume? Or maybe a grenade, for the traffic department?
Exactly how intuitive ARE these people, that they know exactly what I need away from home. That's what I want to know.
I've reached the stage of my life where I exist solely to embarrass my children.
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 18:41
Excellent - this made me laugh. Also reminded me of other similar letters received in my time at P&G. If anyone thinks these types of letters are just PR stunts, I can assure you all that they're genuine - as I've seen lots like this one! aah - happy memories...
Anne Huscroft, Utility Warehouse / REO-Solutions
Area Leader, Manchester
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 18:47
I reckon she was on the blob when she penned that.
/runs off.. only in 4N
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 18:52
What they should put on these packets is "Have a Hysterectomy" - the best thing I ever did in my entire life!!!
Sorry to all the men reading this ..............actually they probably read the first few lines of Tamsens post, got to 'feminine products' and clicked back to another forum!
Sarah
Sarah & Andrew Peppin
Crossmoor Meadows Executive Bed & Breakfast Accommodation
Spaxton, Bridgwater, Somerset TA5 2PB Phone: 01278 671598
Email: sarah@crossmoormeadows.co.uk Web: www.crossmoormeadows.co.uk
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 22:11
Quote:
I reckon she was on the blob when she penned that.
/runs off.. only in 4N
I am surprised you got past the title!
Tamsen Garrie - View my Biscard
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Posted on 21st Jul 2008 at 23:22
It has to be said whichever marketing company came up with the strap line 'Have a happy period' may want to consider some serious company restructuring. I don't think I pay much attention to TV ads, but this was so ridiculous it actually got my attention. But not in a good way.
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 01:34
Feminine Hygiene - a bit like sewrage - it needs to all happen behind the scenes.....
Gud day Shelia's
Brad's Aussie counterpart / mate.
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 06:40
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 08:25
H4H - Hurrah for hysterectomies! I'm with you on that one Sarah!
Anne Huscroft, Utility Warehouse / REO-Solutions
Area Leader, Manchester
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 10:15
Wish I'd had one!! That is a brilliant letter!! My "feminine needs" at the moment are a flagon of cider, a HUGE chocolate cake and a large carving knife - not forgetting the razor wire to wrap round my kids and husband before I roll them down that steep hill
"Keeping TABS on your business"
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 10:35
But surley getting the gearbox out damages your sex life?
Gud day Shelia's
Brad's Aussie counterpart / mate.
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 11:21
no, having kids damages your sex life!
"Keeping TABS on your business"
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 12:28
Quote:
But surley getting the gearbox out damages your sex life?
You men dont have a clue do you!
Sarah & Andrew Peppin
Crossmoor Meadows Executive Bed & Breakfast Accommodation
Spaxton, Bridgwater, Somerset TA5 2PB Phone: 01278 671598
Email: sarah@crossmoormeadows.co.uk Web: www.crossmoormeadows.co.uk
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Posted on 22nd Jul 2008 at 14:10
hahahahhah Charlie 4 post of the week award.
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