Goodbye! Aloha! Shalom!

11 Oct 2017

Goodbye! Aloha! Shalom!

When it becomes obvious that something or someone in your life has to go, it can cause great angst. Worry, procrastination or ignoring the issue is common until it becomes stressful just to think about it. How do you go about removing something or someone from your life without a certain amount of pain being involved & make sure it/they don’t come back to haunt you?

Even the household rubbish can be difficult to get rid of, with a brown bin for garden waste, a black bin for general waste, an orange bin for recycling & a wicker basket for the bottles. I can correctly dispose of the rubbish quite easily; my other half finds it very difficult & this often leads to disagreements on Bin-Day Eve.

Getting rid of something or someone you are emotionally attached to is even more of a dilemma. The physicality of ‘letting go’ is quite straightforward. Dealing with the emotions it generates is more involved.


If you put it out to tender (women do this far more than men), everyone & their uncle can & will tell you when the right time to let go is: “Do it now!” “Leave it till next week!” “You can’t do it then!” etc. but the final decision is yours. You can decide when, where & how by taking ownership of the ‘letting go’. Be responsible for the decision & your actions. This provides you with an element of control & confidence to carry your decision through. The best time to let go is when you are in a positive frame of mind. Letting go when you are angry or upset is dangerous.


If a possession has come to the end of its function/purpose or a relationship has broken down, being able to forgive will enable you to deal with the emotions from a peaceful position rather than an angry one. On balance, taking a peaceful process is far less stressful than an angry one from a physical, mental & emotional point of view.


If a washing machine breaks down you can choose to shout and swear at it; curse the day you bought ‘that model’; make everyone else suffer for the inconvenience; be abusive to the repairman because he can’t come out now! OR, you can forgive the washing machine for causing you grief, accept that it can be resolved in the near future and make plans to visit the nearest laundrette (you meet an amazing variety of people in these establishments as I came to discover fairly recently).


If a relationship breaks down you can choose to let your world fall apart; become angry & vindictive; bring everyone into the situation to be on your side; resent every breath the other person takes. OR, you can forgive the other person for not living up to your expectations; for not being who you thought they were; for being human & move on without hatred in your soul.

It’s also important to forgive yourself. Letting someone go can lead to self-destructive feelings of guilt, indecisiveness, low self-esteem, self-anger. Would you expect a close friend or relative to live a life of misery by hanging onto a soured relationship? Then why would you expect it of yourself?
Forgiveness deals with the negative and destructive feelings; letting go can replace them with positive and constructive feelings that will help you move on.

Word Play

Shalom means ‘peace’ and can be used as a greeting or a parting. Aloha is used in Hawaii as both a greeting & a parting. Goodbye is a parting statement and not to be confused with a bargain purchase. Arrivederci means ‘till we meet again’ implying that it is possible to come back; not so suitable for ‘letting go’. Consciously choose which one to use when you Let Go.